When somebody close to you has cancer, how do you stop being angry

[lhyman]

Today my wife was just diagnosed with cancer. Myself and my three children are very angry and depressed. All of us are blaming ourselves and my wife in only thinking the worst.

I spoke to here doctor, he is confident that she can beat it, but I still feel very bad and angry at myself and my concept of God.

I don't want to wake up in the morning and go to work. I want to forget about it and pretend that it didn't happen.

But the truth is that it did happen and when I face reality, I feel angry...

How do I go on with my life, how do I pretend that it didn't happen, how do I face the same people every day and smile, when I feel like telling everybody to go to hell...

How long will I be angry, is this normal or am I a phyco ?

[changc]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. There is never anything wrong with ANY human emotion. We are all made in the same basic image, whether you believe it to be a divine one, scientific, or whatever. The bottomline is, we can all feel angry, sad, elated, or crazy. Any person can be driven to think, feel, and do things that they normally wouldn't given the right pressures and circumstances.

Your anger and grief is a natural and totally normal way to react to something like that. If something like that happened to me, I would probably smash **** and spend a lot of time being depressed in bed. However, I think that you should remember what is important right now- your wife has cancer, and things are probably ten times as hard for her as they are for you. Your children are also taking this same news. If you don't want to go to work, then don't. Take a few days off with your family and go somewhere remote and beautiful. Your family needs to be together right now, to cry and to feel angry and to express all of those emotions. Just don't stay cooped up and alone, because that never helps anything.

I wish you the best of luck. You'll be in my prayers.

[zen-r]

No words of advice from me. What can I say, anyway?

Just to let you know that I'm thinking of you & wishing the best of luck for your family. :happysad:


Don't worry about your emotions. Let them out. Emotions are good.

[Sharky]

First, accept my sincere condolences. It's never nice. I know of many who have been claimed by cancer, including family members.

There is no easy way unfortunately. Unfortunately, the emotion is something you'll have to go through. With time it does get easier, especially if she survives. And I also would have thought your employer would be understanding if you really don't feel up to work.

[lhyman]

Thank you everybody, you are all very kind....

Thank you for pointing out the fact that no matter how any of us feel my wife must be feeling a lot worst...

After all, this is about her and not us....

[changc]

I didn't mean to imply that your feelings were worth any less than hers. I am just saying that this isn't the time to be secluded. It's a time for bringing your family and friends together to share in your grief and support.

[lhyman]

I didn't mean to imply that your feelings were worth any less than hers. I am just saying that this isn't the time to be secluded. It's a time for bringing your family and friends together to share in your grief and support.

no, don't get me wrong, you made me realize that these emotions (even though normal) could deceive me...

Like the thought that was causing me to blame myself because she has uterus cancer, and the thought that said the only reason she got it was because I fathered her children..

I realized, this wasn't about me but her, I realized how easy it was to get caught up in my emotions that I completely forgot about what she was going throu...

[dylburger]

First off, my condolances. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through and I can only wish you the best.

As for advice, the only thing I can suggest is to learn absolutely everything there is to learn about it. Personally I find alot of comfort in knowledge, and I know that those around me have felt the same in similar situations (my father in law having a heart attack for example). Most clinics are actually very good at having pamphlets that explain the basics, after that the internet is your friend too.


Again all the best.

[jmcgowan]

never lose hope. My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and told that it was an extremely bad case. A week later she saw a different doctor for a second opinion. The second doctor was much more positive about the severity and treatability of her cancer. After the treatments she was in remission for 10 years before the cancer came back and she passed away. That's 10 more years we got to enjoy having our grandmother around. In your case, I'm guessing your wife is a lot younger than my grandmother was, and could possibly have an even better outcome. I'll be praying for you and your family, and I hope that any further news will be good news.