Re: Location
You're just going to have to find another way, or use a different hosting plan. You don't have access to alter php.ini under a Free Hosting plan, and the functions that are disabled are disabled for security reasons -- they will not be enabled for you. The restrictions are fewer under a Premium Hosting plan (though there are still some restrictions, in keeping with sane server operation in a shared hosting environment) and you get to set your own environment under a VPS plan.
“Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.” --Donald Knuth
"It was as if its architects were given a perfectly good hammer and gleefully replied, 'neat! With this hammer, we can build a tool that can pound in nails.'" -- Alex Papadimoulis (on TheDailyWTF.com)