:D Jokes :D

[fierce]

x10 forum lacks with good jokes so I decided to post few .

Difficult Question

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"
The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she is old enough to ask the
question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the birds and the
bees.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.
The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"
The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

No Extras!

A married couple goes into a dentist’s office. The husband is in a big hurry. He says, “No expensive extras, Doc.
No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.”
“I wish more of my patients were as brave as you,” the dentist says. “Now, which tooth is it?”
The husband turns to his wife and says, “Show him your tooth, honey.”

Condom Size Tester

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk.
"Gee, I don't know."
"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The
guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!"
The guy strut over to the register, pays, and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what size." The clerk sends
him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"

Top 8 Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say
8. Here honey, you use the remote.
7. You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.
6. Ooh, Antonio Banderas and Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!
5. While I'm up, can I get you anything?
4. Sex isn't that important, sometimes I just want to be held.
3. Aww, forget Monday Night Football, let's watch Melrose Place.
2. Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.
1. We never talk anymore.

So it's your turn ..post some more jokes !

Cheers,

fierce .

[alexandgruntz]

What do you call a sophisticated Australian?

A New Zealander.

[kirtik]

Zero says to Eight: "Nice Belt".

Which of two cats on an inclined plane will slip first? The one with the smallest mew.

e^x walks into a bar, and asks for a sandwich. The barman says "We don't cater for functions".

A woman walks into a bar, and asks for a double entendre. So the barman gives her one.

[RedhedProductions]

The 5 great lies of engineering. Decoded for your pleasure.

5. This is technically impossible. (Boring!)
4. I call you when I know. (...when you're not there.)
3. We added backup systems to be extra careful. (...that this project fails.)
2. We require better systems. (...because the load times for porn here really sucks.)
1. I'm not jealeous of your new computer. (:crying

[Soki]

Top 8 Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say
8. Here honey, you use the remote.
5. While I'm up, can I get you anything?

Lmao. Well for those I chose to quote, I think are false.
For number 8, I would give the remote to them and leave the room, because nothing good was on. :P As for number 5, I would still ask them if they want anything. Since I am up already...but ehh thats me. I think all the others are true. xD

[fempower]

One of my very faves:

President Bush, First Lady Laura Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One.

George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, “You know I could throw a thousand dollar bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.”

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, “Well I could throw ten one hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people very happy.”

Cheney quickly chimed in with, “That being the case, I could throw one hundred ten dollar bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot. “Such big-shots back there. ****, I could throw them all out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.”

[Max1337]

Condom Size Tester

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk.
"Gee, I don't know."
"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The
guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!"
The guy strut over to the register, pays, and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what size." The clerk sends
him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"

lmao, thats funny

[Soupy]

One of my very faves:

President Bush, First Lady Laura Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One.

George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, “You know I could throw a thousand dollar bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.”

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, “Well I could throw ten one hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people very happy.”

Cheney quickly chimed in with, “That being the case, I could throw one hundred ten dollar bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot. “Such big-shots back there. ****, I could throw them all out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.”

I had to giggle on that one. XD

[Jordan C]

What do you call a sophisticated Australian?

A New Zealander.

lol. I'm from NZ to ;)

[aushol]

funny thanks!